Thoughts on School . . .

It sucks cause I'm like really nervous for school.

I try and calm myself by saying that once it’s over and done with, and I get into university, that it’ll all be fine. That it’ll all work out.

But then I realize . . .

Once I do get to university the anxiety and everything will come back. My classes will swamp me and I’ll constantly feel on edge, like I should be doing more.

I just get the feeling like I should quit while I’m ahead. Stop before I pull all my hair out or cause it to turn prematurely grey.

But then I realize. . .

This all means too much to me. I’ve worked my ass off in academic classes because I wanted to go to university. I wanted to go onto higher education. To stop now and go down to a lower level or even to just settle with college seems like a waste to me.

I have nothing against college, it’s just not for me. Whenever my friend asks me why I’m so bent on going to University I get the feeling that she thinks I look down on people in college. I think she might think I won’t make it. This is yet another reason why I’m doubtful about university.

So in the end, I guess I need to deal with my anxiety. Start taking those extra little steps to ensure that I don’t fall behind and panic.

I have a lot of work ahead of me.

But this really helped.

An Update. . .

Woah, I thought that my dashboard said my last post was in April. Twas going to write a short blurb saying how I was absent and why and such. I opened this window to type up my post and everything, until I realized it said August. Meh, I'll just think up something else to write about.

Today was the exam for my Bio coarse. It was really easy and I did pretty well on the booklets to. And to think, I almost gave up on this unit; that would have been a big mistake. Then I spent the rest of my Dad at my Aunt's celebrating my Mom's birthday. It was 4 or 5 hours of Hannah Montana and my Aunt babying my 9 year old cousin. I'm sure glad to be home.

I found I really like watching movies. Like, I always wrote it off as something everyone likes, but I think my lvoe for it has become more of a hobby. I love watching different genres, go over the plots, the camera techniques-- I basically dissect it. It's not a mere time waster, it's something that I like to look at in depth. I could never do movie reviews, but now I actually want to try and watch different movies that interest me. I love nothing more than finding good, under rated movies.

Finally, the reason I've barely been posting is because of a site called Tumblr. It's an easy bloggin site that cool for just quick, mindless posting. To me it's more like you post random thoughts, while blogs like this are more like public journals. Full posts with some kind of meaning behind them. The thing I love most about Tumblr is the reblogging. It's the shit. LOL

My Tumblr
My Tumblr with my Friends

Well, ttyl
*REtro

Ahhh, The Beat Goes On

I found the third Cube movie there today. I was so stoked when I found it.

It was great cause the hot guy at the cash knew all about the movies. He even went into the back and pulled out the second cube movie he had on hold for himself, just in case I wanted it. I thought that was a pretty nice thing to do.

I really want to work at The Beat Goes On now, just because you get to listen to whatever you want and get dibs on new stuff that comes in. Sounds like a pretty sweet job to me. =]

*REtro

An Eco School Year For Me!

That's right. I've decided to help the planet more this school year. I'll start by being more environmentally conscious with my school supplies. This thought actually came to me at Walmart of all place when I seen that papermate, I believe it was, was making recycled rulers, pencils, pencil cases, paper, and scissors. Then later in Jacksons Square I seen recycled erasers and more pencils!

I already have some recycled pens and some pencils now, thanks to my mom and her day trip to the States. I'm probably not going to be able to get everything I want as recycled material but I'm going to try.

Something that made me happy today:
Volunteering for a few hours at the Festival of Friends. It was fun helping out with the vendors and such. I have a full three days of volunteering ahead. Whoopee, lol.

*REtro

BIO3U

I'm currently taking biology a s a summer coarse and I find reading some of this stuff is scary.

Like I was inspired to write this blog while reading about smoking and its effects on the lungs. Reading about how it damages your lungs and eventually kills you is scary because I find ignorce truly is bliss when it comes to the details of someone dying.

It's like, okay, Little Billy's Mom is dying of lung cancer. That's pretty sad, but after hearing how her trachea was unable to clean contaminants from the lungs. Then how the walls between alveoli were dissolved and eventually Billy's Mom was unable to breath properly. It's like wow, x100 worse now.

I guess it really creeps me out because I'm convinced that I'm gonna get lung cancer at one point in my life and to know that there's some black shit in my throat, and that I'm not taking in oxygen as well as I use to scares the crap out of me.

Some scary shit people.

*REtro

Another Blog?!

That's right. I've made another blog. I decided to . . . WHOA deja vu much?

Lawls.

So anyways, I did make another blog, but this time on tumblr. I decided to make it because I found a really awesome layout. You should go check it out.

|Click|

*deadlyretro

Another Blog?!

That's right. I've made another blog. I decided to do a book review blog for all the books I'll e reading this summer. It'll probably be mostly novels and maybe a few graphic novels.

Hopefully I'll actually go through with this, unlike my movie review blog, which still isn't open for the public to see. Mostly because I forgot about it.

So, here's a link to the book review blog. I'm going to post a review pretty soon hopefully. I've already read a book, now it's a matter of reviewing it.

|Click|

*deadlyretro

amazing, superb even. . .

This layout is the best. I finally figured out how to upload layouts. So, I went searching online for some goods ones. I've got a couple, but this one is my favourite.

Short post is short.

*deadlyretro

Google Camera Car

I totally saw the Google Camera Car today.

When my Aunt was driving me home I saw this car with is huge pole on the roof go down on of these side streets. Of coarse when I tell my aunt to look she misses it. Then when we finally get to my street, I see i t coming towards me as I cross the street. I run across and wait on my front lawn as it passes me by. I stuck my tongue out at it as well.

When I got inside I quickly called my Dad and left him this long message telling him about it, since he was the one who first told me about it.

I hope I can see myself on Google now. How cool would that be?

Lol, totally needed to blog about this.
Hopefully get back on my old "one thing that made me happy today" posts when summer starts. Right now I need to study for my math exam.

ttyl,
*deadlyretro

A Quick Post . . . While He's Away

LOL, Who reference in the title. =D

Okay, a quick post now. I want to read a bit before I get to bed.

Something that made me happy today: Going to lunch with my Aunt and Mum. We went to Wendy's and the Frosty was to die for. It's sad that food makes me happy in life. There are other things, it's just I can't remember them xD

Also, practising my band stuff really made me happy, once I was able to play it. Now to practice the rep stuff. > .>

Nite
*deadlyretro

That sure did last long. . .

I totally forgot all about my "write about one happy thing a day". So, Imma try and make up for it or in other words backtrack.

Friday- It was a PA Day so that pretty much made me happy in general.

Saturday- I went to the library and got some books to read, so I'm well on my way with the whole "read 100 novels this year" goal.

Sunday- I finished my posterboard for co-op before it's actually due annnd I went to a geneology thing with my Dad. I got to see some old attendance books from when I was in school. That really made my day. It was awesome getting to see the names of people I use to go to school with and all the excuses used when I was young on the days I was absent. My Dad found the attendance books from when he was in school too. He found some important dates in the books, so it was a productive trip overall.

I thought it'd be a lot harder thinking back and finding things that made me happy, but it was surprisingly easy. =D

As for today, hmmm, I guess just getting to relax and read really made me happy. Oh, and the roast beef I had for dinner made me happy, too. LOL

Ta-ta for now. =]
*deadlyretro

One thing that made me happy today. . .

It`s raining and the sound of it hitting the roofs is amazing. The smell after it rains too is great. My Aunt usually drives me home from co-op, so while waiting for here to unlock my door I just stood and splashed around in the puddles. I probably looked like an idiot from afar, but it was fun. I don`t even know why. I also love how refreshing the rain is especially when the day has been really hot. I love the rain. =)

*deadlyretro

43things.com

It's a wonderful website where people post different goals they want to achieve in there life. It ranges from loosing a few pounds to reading every book on ones book shelf or traveling to 10 different countries. Some of pages people have created are amazing. I already have 10 things listed on my list.

One thing I said I'd do is write about one thing that made me happy everyday of the year. I'm probably gonna start up a different blog to post them, but I don't feel like doing it now. So here's one for today:

The smell of freshly cooked ham. When I first came home today the smell overpowered me. It smelt so sweet, and at the time, I couldn't identify it. Once in my kitchen I found it in the fridge, still warm. This might be a really weird thing the one would right about, but I don't know. When I first thought about what I'd write about the initial reaction I had to smelling the food popped into my mind. It could be me subconsciously being grateful for having food or maybe not a lot of happy things happen throughout my day. All I know is is that ham sure did smell good.

[side note: Lol, ate ham during swine flu outbreak]

Well, I guess I should do that homework now > .>

*deadlyretro

You know what?

The sad truth is the truth is sad.

How depressing, and yet so true, is that statement?

I saw it on a dp and thought I'd document its wisedom here.

Omg, messenger window just popped up. Scared the crap outta me.

*deadlyretro

Have you ever. . .

had one moment in your life where you finally experience something that you have only heard others talking about or you have only read in books? Not major events, but just minor descriptions that the main characters is relaying in the book. Confused? That's okay.

The reason I bring this up is because I had a moment today where I couldn't help but think "Wow, this moment is one that would totally be described in a book. I can't believe I'm experiencing it." This moment was when I had sat down on the couch perpendicular to the one my Aunt and Co-op teacher were sitting on. I had just come back from the bathroom where I had just had a nervous breakdown (which was triggered when I found out my co-op teacher was coming that day). My eyes were red and puffy, my hair greasy and pulled back in a pony tail. I was a mess.

The look I got from my teacher was a puzzling glance. She was asking my aunt questions, but I could tell, read her mind almost, that she was trying to figure out what was wrong with me. It wasn't until my Aunt had gotten up to correct someone on the equipment, did my teacher ask me, "Are you okay?"

I responded with a blatant lie, "Oh, I haven't been feeling well. I have a cold I just can't seem to kick." She started talking about how she too had been sick for the past while, then my Aunt returned.

The moment when I could read her face was astounding. I felt like it could just be described in a story. To people reading this it might seem like nothing, but I say that's my own fault. Really because I'm horrible at explaining things. I think another factor might be the fact that I really can't remember that happening to me before.

Today was a rough one. Between getting up late this morning and still not getting my math assignment done it had been one hell of a day. One where every single moment all I could think was, "This is the worst day of my life".

Just to fill you in: I had woken up late this morning because I had spent the previous night spilling everything into the porcelain bowl except my stomach. Since I didn't have much time and didn't want to get in trouble for not bringing the sheet music I decided not to have a shower, which I hate doing. I ended up pestering my friends the whole day asking if my hair look greasy and of coarse this was the day my co-op teacher wanted to take pictures of me at my placement.

FML

*deadlyretro

omg, OMFG!!

SCOTT PILGRIM!!
It's awesome cause it looks exactly like the scene from the graphic novel.

I found some icons on livejournal where it shows a person holding a giant like sketch of a scott pilgrim character over there face and I'm pretty sure these people are the actors protraying them. So I went searching for the original site.

I have yet to find the pis themselves, but did find a bunch of set pics on this one guys blog. It's so cool. I can't wait to see it. =D

Stop Animation

This video makes me want to learn how to do stop animation.

There are too many Dumbasses with webcams.

You heard me. Go on youtube and search any big issue and you have a bunch of people who think that they know so much and have the right solution to fix everything. It's like my god, who let you have a webcam. Like really, you think anyone out there actually cares?

And really do some research before making a video claiming your idea is right or this one person is the devil.

Right now I'm watching HowTheWorldWorks response to The Amazing Atheist. It's like, this guy thinks that every environmentalist is horrible because of what a select few have some. Not all environmentalists think a like. Not all of them would vouche for what another one has said. They're not all scheming against the human race to help plants take over.

Kay, I can't go on because I feel like one hell of a hypocrite for writing this. . .

*deadlyretro

I really need to plug this.

I saw the video "Hi I'm aMarvel and I'm a DC: Wolverine and Watchemen (Comedian)" in the comedy section of Youtube. Then over to the side I seen one featuring Iron Man and had to watch it. These videos are pretty funny, I suggest you watch more of them . . . now.



*deadlyretro

I can't believe. . .

I've started so many posts where the title is a lead in to the first line.
loljks

What I really meant to say was: I can't believe March Break is over. I wish it wasn't but sadly it had to end at some point. I did absolutely nothing this week, but actually did more than I thought I would. I thought I'd spend all my time catching up on lost sleep and yet I joined a few websites, spent some time on my quest on Gaia and even managed to write some stories. I also managed to spruce up a couple of my blogs and start a group blog with Tara and Abir.

Well, farewell March Break. It was nice while it lasted, but now I must return to reality. A place where I must spend my days working hard instead going to the gym and chilling at home like how I spent the last week.

Goodbye March Break, you will be missed.
*deadlyretro

Have you ever. . .

felt so upset that you could actually vomit? As if causing yourself to be sick will remove the bad feeling? Or maybe it's the act of vomiting. It's like a distraction. You'll be thinking too much about how you just threw up to be reminded of the dark thought that troubled you moments prior.

I wish I could vomit the bad feelings away, but I can't. I'm not the type to make myself sick. And yet I'm still troubled by this one thought. Why can't it just leave my mind? Life's already too troublesome without this worry.

Quote of the Day:
The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind.
- Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

*deadlyretro

You know what I really hate?

how I just pushed enter and posted this without anything actually written yet

My blog colour scheme. It's too old. It's too eye rapingly bad.
I tried to change it but it didn't really work out.
Seems I'll have to re-do my layout and such. I wonder if I can choose my own background. That's be cool. Then I could make a cool banner to go with it. I'm tired of the one solid coloured backgrounds-- too plain.

So, I have Battlestar Balactica playing in the bacground as I write this. I'm not watching it. I was planing to wait and see if the Stargate Universe trailer plays. I know it was suppose to play on the Scifi (or soon to be SyFy) channel, but I didn't know if Space would be playing it as well. I ended up youtubing it, but it was nothing that special.



It's coming off way too much as a survival show rather than a show about the stargates. Like with the two series prior to Universe they seemed more about discovering the galaxy while fighting off alien races. Well, at least Atlantis was all about that. I haven't gotten the chance to finish watching SG1. Plus, when I watch the trailer I can't help but be reminded of cloverfield. lol

Well, that's all that's on my mind.
*deadlyretro

So I was walking my brother home from day camp . . .

when he threatened to trip me by putting his foot out in front of me and then he tripped on the curb.

I just couldn't stop laughing. Then I told him that "Karma's a bitch" and was surprised to find that he actually knew what Karma was. I've underestimated him. He seems to know tidbits from other religions and yet doesn't know how to walk properly. =P

This is why I love Queen. . .

Lol, I started watching some of their music videos again on Youtube. I haven't listen to their stuff in ages. I watched "I Want to Break Free" and just died a little (in a good way). I love that video, it's hilarious. I just love how the British aren't afraid to dress in drag. xD

Hmm, weekend not going as planned

. . . movie wise that is

I only watched two movies yesterday Cube at my friends birthday and . . . I can't remember.

I watched A bit of the Grudge today though. Not that much. I stopped watching at the one part that like traumatized me.

That's all I really have to report.

Stef's party was pretty fun. We watched a movie, played DDR, and shoved cake into her face.

*deadlyretro

It's that time again! =D

It's random post time! Yeah! It happens oh about once a month when I actually remember I have a blog.

So, next week is March Break meaning this is the first weekend in about a month where I've had no homework to work on. Thus, I have dubbed this weekend to be MOVIE WEEKEND. This weekend I'm gonna watch tons of movies. I have a few I want to watch and today I've watched a few that I hadn't planned to watch.

Today I watched (today being friday):
Batman Begins (First 40 mins in English class)
The Dark Knight (With my Dad and Brother)
Red Green's Duck Tape Forever (Randomly took it off the shelf and decided to watch it)
Cube <3 (First 40 mins, love this movie)

Tomorrow is my friends birthday so we're probably gonna be watching some movie while at her house. It's gonna be fun. =)

Well, that's all. Nite.
*deadlyretro

Mayday, mayday, we're sinking Captain! Abandon ship!

I keep neglecting the blogs I make. I feel bad for making these and not using them, but then again I don't always have something to say.

I feel a depression coming on. Like I'm slipping into some kind of darkness.

*engage emo mode*

I can just see it now.

"Johnson, status report."
"We're losing her captain. She hasn't moved off the couch in an hour. What should we do?"
"Engage writing mode."
"It's not working Captain. She's stuck on that one story plot and won't move on to another."
"Try harder damnit! We can't let her slip away or all our hard work will have been in vain."
*lights turn off, only emergency lights are left*
"Quickly now, we need to get her back up and running!"

Then it's just people running around the room smashing the odd button on the control panel. Who knows how long it will take them to get things back up and running.

Well, that little blurb cheered me up a tad.
I really want to start a sci-fi story soon before I loose the few scenes I have planned out.
I just hate coming up with character descriptions. My Imagination has gone to shit the pass couple years and continuity has always been a bitch.